Stressful Thoughts; why play is necessary

I have been bored recently. After been use to a hectic lifestyle of non-stop activities daily, suddenly being restricted with a 30 Days hospitalisation leave, I really had no idea what am I suppose to do.

I am officially in my mid-twenties. I have been stuck at this crossroad for what seems ages already. Thinking of the same question after and after. What’s next.
Asking me of what do I want to do in my life, what do I like to do, like to achieve, that question isn’t hard to answer. Yet finding the route to achieve my dreams seem unachievable. The route does not even exist in my case. Perhaps it is, but overgrown and hidden by the chaotic jungle of life.

I am a result driven person. Money to me, isn’t my motivation. Yet however, without it these days, time seems to put to waste and only money makes it seems to be of worth. What a sad thing it has become! Is this just what growing up is like? Now chasing my dreams, building my passion just seems like a childish kid’s play. Is it? It shouldn’t be so. The drive to do things withered till it always make me think that I like working. :/ . Since when did I start to think like that that Money=Worth?

Perhaps since the society view success and result through the amount of money you earn.

 

A salaryman might have been delighted with this 1 month of break. However for me, being a freelancer, there was never a time where I could actually “knock off”. Yes indeed, I work so much lesser in comparison of the actual working hours, but the time while not working are spent so often on endless casting, emails and back and fro introduction replies, marketing ourselves on social media. That was not play, nor is it relaxing, nor enjoyable. In a way work but 24/7.

Therefore these days, with no demand, being out of the industry for a while, I am lost. I haven really had times where I could fully rest, unless being oversea rushing from one tourist location to another is considered, thus this 30 days…. did not only have me pondering about my routes in life, but even my daily activities. Playing computer games? I became so anxious. Time is wasted! To no value and nothing gain! Even studying became tough because I don’t see where it could help me with my direction in life.

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I went for coffee sessions with friends, some counselling and did everything I could without a hand to try to just chill! It landed me up crying, screaming sometimes if I am lucky with a shoulder to cry on, but often with just a dog who likes the taste of my salty tears.

The counselling program would cost me $3688.
I do not have that kind of money. Especially not when I would not be able to work for 6 weeks. It would be nice to know what’s going on in my head though.

 

Well and since Google knows everything, I decided to try maybe googling an answer out. Since that’s probably the next best thing I could do. I came across some pretty interesting articles and blogs!

http://charliehoehn.com/2013/05/19/how-i-cured-my-anxiety/

Most of the search on Anxiety just offer pretty much the same thing, about meditation, breathing and sleeping.
However on Charliehoehn.com it stated something rather interesting and was spot on on the reason why I haven been sleeping well.

The real problem had been my state of mind. I’d become increasingly adept at rejecting any form of “non-productivity.” I couldn’t allow any form of play if it didn’t contribute to earning money or doing something “meaningful.” Even when I was with friends or doing something that was supposed to be fun, I couldn’t stop thinking about all the time I was wasting. I wasn’t being productive; I was losing valuable time. I had to get back to work!

Without realizing it, I became very serious, even though I’d never been serious in my entire life. I couldn’t play because that meant I wasn’t working, and I couldn’t really work because I always felt tired and jaded (because I never let myself play!) This resulted in me convincing myself that life was a miserable grind for adults, and that I needed to be very serious if I wanted to get through it. I approached everything this way, and treated my work as a form of self-imposed slavery.

I felt that my time was put to waste as long as I am not earning. :/ Also because of the external pressures I feel from my parents constant questioning, of why don’t I have a job (9-5). zzzzzzz

Because I don’t wanna give up my dreams. I don’t want to resign to fate, to give up because there isn’t  any hope or future, to give up like the rest of the society. Isn’t it because there isn’t any future that’s why we are to make one? Thats what keep people living. Dreams.
I don’t want to be living dead.

Charliehoehn.com did make a lot of sense. That Play is the answer.

I HAVE to approach work as play, otherwise my work sucks. When I tackle a problem with a sense of play – voluntarily because I’m inherently attracted to it – my creativity and optimism and happiness soars. I become fascinated with the world. I fall in love with people. And whoever I’m working with helps me make the game more fun, and our positive energy becomes contagious.

“I never did a day’s work in my life. It was all fun.” – Thomas Edison

“Play is the highest form of research.” – Albert Einstein

“The only way to do great work is to love what you do.” – Steve Jobs

“Without work, all life goes rotten, but when work is soulless, life stifles and dies.” – Albert Camus

Life was never supposed to feel so serious or scary in the first place! Everyone is looking for someone to have fun with. Go out, create your own games, then get others to join in. Just play. Play allows you to stop taking your life so damn seriously, so you can start living again.

You don’t need more money. You don’t need more free time. You can always do it.

Play is a state of mind – it is a way to approach the world. Whether your world is a frightening prison or a loving playground is up to you.

It’s only a choice: Anxiety or Play. Take your pick.

True that and now.. I should chill and stop worrying so much about money… Argh.
Read more on http://charliehoehn.com/2013/05/19/how-i-cured-my-anxiety/

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