The maid cooked the broccoli with Tomato la

Just had an argument with my brother. It was an argument over “The maid cooked the broccoli with Tomato La!”

When things like this happen, I really do not know what to think. I don’t even know how am I exactly feeling. Sad happens? A feeling which involve me feeling biting back my words, my tongue rolled back, jaws clenched firmly tight, feeling really heavy, watery eyes of more desperation and disappointment, and a pitted ball of stones sunk deep into somewhere near my stomach already. Hopefully I can shit that out.

The argument started with me asking the maid how did she cooked the broccoli. My brother answered by saying she cooked with the Tomatoes. -.- I answered, yes I know, I just wanted to ask how did she cooked the Broccoli. The maid cooked the broccoli with Tomato La. OMG I swear. I just wanted to know how she cooked the broccoli so that I would know if the broccoli could be cooked by any other methods other than boiling! The maid cooked the broccoli with Tomato La! 我只是好心跟你讲then 你 like this say me?! Argh!!! I am like: WT* I am your Sister la. Is this how you talk to me?!

The dog started barking. I yelled at him to Shut up. ENOUGH AH COOKIE! 你跟我安静ah!!

See 你就是这样 just angry at everyone. That’s why everybody 在家都不喜欢你.
我在更 maid 讲话又不是在更你讲话!你跟我进去你的房间。
For what?! why should I?!

I got so pissed.
I grabbed his phone.
He took the chance to push me. The maid joined in too. Stop! Stop!

I let go. 你跟我进去你的房间!
我不要 la 你要怎么办。Fine 你 just stay here loh!

I have decided to slap him in his face and wake up his F***ing idea that honestly that is not the way to talk to your senior! Where the H*** is all his Manners?! Really feel like teaching this guy who is the boss here. I am his older sister! Honestly he need to be taught some manners! Argh!!! But I did not. I continued with my cooking while toying such thoughts. Chopping my Celery up, all too aware at the moment that I am holding the knife. ARgh!

This is what I do not understand.

At Times like this, what am I do to? What could I have done? Really. Sometimes I swear I am on the Verge of strangling him. The word 气死 is how I often felt when talking to my younger brothers.
I don’t even feel this piss when the random Indian guy and Adeline Yap beat me up, because he is my brother.
I do not know how to talk to him. If I am to talk reason, if I am to talk to him in an adult manner, they treat it as if I am lecturing them. I felt like a parent sometimes. My duty as a Good elder sister is to be a good example. I am to be good and not be Piss? Honestly I do not know what am I to do. Really I swear it is so tough to be a good sister.


He continued.
Too bad! 你先动手的。
So? whatever la.
So too bad la. 家里每个人都不喜欢你。
做姐姐很难吗?我们有你我们也是很难!You don’t know how Yong (my youngest brother) 说他很希望你会早点死。
Really? You don’t know what 他 say about 你也是。
我每天跟他讲话 We sleep together!
You should just record what you have say for everyone to hear.
Even Mummy also agreed what 叫我们要忍你的temper!
Egotistic and Show-off that’s all you are.

As the words are slicing into me, I continued cooking. Chopping the apples in too.
Well I do not really remember the whole chuck of what he have said trying to provoke me to be the 1st person to give that whack. But honestly, the words are hurting. More than just hurting anyway. Though he did not managed to make me react at all. I kept silent the whole time after. Till he just got sick of hurling words at me and left house after. But those words, left more then just thoughts in my head. Sometimes I really felt bitter. Especially when it comes together with uncertainty, I am not sure if those words were true. Really? That my brothers hate me so much? Sometimes I really feel like giving up on loving them too. Cause why should I Love my Brothers so much when all he wants is for me to leave. Maybe leaving is even the only way to love them. The only thing that they want me to do for them.


(This is not a post to complain about my brother, but a post trying to sort out on what am I do to regarding Siblings' squabbles)