I have been, again, thinking of my past.
Of the Growing up years, School Days and First Love, of Him too the heartbreak that never seems to heal.
It has been 2 years, of been Single.
Did a lot. I’ve learned a lot.
Liberating i guess.
However times like now, I sitting here wondering. Why do I go through what I have gone through. My path in life. Why is it at such and why did you leave I still never know. I do not think it is because of what I do wrong. I don’t think I did wrong. I always do try to be reasonable, and even if I aren’t, aren’t couples suppose to get over that together?
Also why did he end the relationship so badly, cruel, hardheartedly but am so happy in the relationship with the Mrs two-face. Do they deserve more happiness than I do? Why isn’t Karma doing something about it, I wonder.. Maybe not yet.
I am just mostly being lost and sick most of the time since then. I seems to have lost me.
I still think about the way he Loved me. The things he have whispered to my ears. I did think that he have loved me but can it all be a lie? if it isn’t, how did things changed so fast? The things still haunt me now. If they have made any sense it would have all been easier. But it didn’t.
He didn’t not return the things I have made or gave him. He requested to keep them for memories sake. But why even? Was I close to your heart? It would have make me hurt less if those were not treated as… a joke? partially treasured but partially a joke.
I wish really that this part of me could disappear from my life. Why to “love” but haunt me forever? Is it just me, my fault, mistake and bitterness. If I had move on better than he had, it would probably not hurt as much?
But the problem is that, I have had given my all and now there isn’t anything left to give to anyone. I am just too afraid to love again. to trust.
I don’t know Where am I to head to in Life. what do I want and Am I to be just strong? Alone. to be strong. I do miss the times when I have someone so that I don’t have to be strong all day long, and the nicer him. It is sad to see someone became bad, when they use to be so nice. Even more when it is someone you love. But then, I am glad at least he is happy. Happier. Birds of the same feather do really get along better together indeed.
I am sick
I really want to get well.
I am over this. Don’t worry. Just sometimes thinking…
You know, when you have truly loved somebody, you wont never really stop loving them.
Now, I just want to work really hard and find my direction and my Life again. 🙂